An Expression; A Release

I’ve not written in a while. But it’s because i’ve just been so busy with school and other responsibilities. I haven’t being doing much of anything lately, to be honest. I’m recycling old music and rewatching old shows. I’m not feeling particularly reckless at the moment with the art that I’m consuming at the moment. 

And it’s a bit sad because I’m feeling a bit disconnected from the world and everything around. I mean, i keep up with world news and have all my school and college deadlines memorised, but I’m not feeling too grounded or centred at the moment. 

Now that I’m not as busy with my academics, I occupy myself by consuming useless television shows for long stretches of time with no motivation or energy to do anything else. Maybe it’s all those days of hard studying catching up to me. Or maybe I’m just loosing interest in things. 

Either way, i have to figure things out and get things done. Part of my college application includes learning and recording pieces on the piano, but i’m either too busy or not in the mood. And I kind of have to do this. It’s something I need to do. It’s important but I just don’t feel like. The piano pieces I have, they kind of bore me now. And everything new can’t be learned so flawlessly in time. But I’m going to have to push myself to sit down and practise and play. It’s something I can’t let go or ignore. 

And then musically, I need to find a new sound to listen to. I’ve resorted to a mix of old popular music and some other random music which have nothing in common. Their different or variety isn’t symbolic of anything; it just shows that I’ve not been listening to a lot of music lately. And it kind of sucks. Just going into a car or auto and listening to the same old music, just reminds me of all this. 

And what’s even crazier is that now I actually have the time to read again. But like before, I just don’t feel like it. Either the book or the environment isn’t right. Like on one hand, I want to read all this complex, serious literature, but also at the same time I want read for the sake of fun and escapism. And of course, because I partially lost the habit of reading, I’ll have to put in effort to re-aquire this hobby. 

So there you have some sort of update on my life, but really it’s just a way for me to pull back the strings and convey all this to myself formally. And putting on paper (a screen really) also acts in a way as a resolution or a promise. Which I hope to keep. 

I will return with what I usually do. I have ideas and plans an will execute them when I can. Just don’t let go of me so soon. 

Love and kindness always, 

lostinthegreatescape. 

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