The Struggle with Writer’s Block
(I’ll never get over how ironic this is)
Writer’s block is the most frustrating thing on this planet.
Around January, my literary creative output was incredible. I was so happy with it. The quality wasn’t as good as it could have been. But the consistency at which I was writing would in due course of time make things better.
But now we’re in April. And how much have I written? It’s just that these last three months I’ve just been so busy. I had cultural exchanges, SATs, music recitals and so so many tests that I just never got the time. And whenever I was free or had spare time, I wanted to indulge in some quick, extreme escapism like a short car drive with loud music or a couple of episodes of a TV show. I just wanted something to counteract the effects of school and life’s responsibilities.
And ideas and topics usually just come to me. I don’t have to consciously think about them, you know? But because I’ve been so busy, my mind is too occupied and stressed. So it isn’t flowing anymore. But it’s not like the ocean of ideas and the desire to write has dried up. More like a dam has been built, and is way too hard to break in this moment of time.
And the other issue is that I’m someone who’s governed by my intuition. I do things, perceive impressions, formulate opinions and make discussions all based on my gut feeling. And there’s a few problems with this. Sometimes I just don’t feel like writing, and if I push myself to do it – my output will be terrible and I won’t be happy with whatever I’ve posted And I really need to feel about whatever I’m writing about in that moment. Like whenever I’m writing about a book, it’s usually just after I’ve finished, so that my head and my heart are still absorbed in the world of the book. Essentially, it really just has to feel right in my heart.
But obviously I can’t just let this page fade away, right? I’ve put in so much effort and it means so so much to me. I have to do something to maintain this. So I try to look up writing prompts and essay topics, but it’s all just too forced. My mind cannot work when things are forced or not coming from an honest place. Even when I’m in the middle of a creative process, the second I sense that my creative flow isn’t coming from a real place, I just stop.
But the struggle with all this is that I somehow have to find this perfect balance between forcing myself to create/write and letting myself do this as it flows naturally. Because both extremes aren’t going to be helpful.
(Balance is something imma one day write about. It’ll be a cool post I already know.)
And stress is something I’m not going to rid myself of. I’m too anxious a human being to ever live a day without any stress.
So in all of this I just have to learn how to figure all this out. How to balance this. Because creating art or expressing yourself are such fragile phenonemena and must be handled with care.
- love and kindness
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