My school is ruining me.
I don’t just mean it in the usual sense, I mean it in a really weird way today.
So because I’m doing IBDP in my school, my school has a pretty legit application process, with entrance tests and interviews and other complicated, accomplished people things. And because of this, my school naturally picks the brightest, most talented, unique students. Which is great because
1, My school thinks of me as the two above adjectives, and
2. I’m surrounded by some really amazing people
They’re all assholes and I’d probably kill half if I could, but they’re a great and horrible set of people to be around, in the sense that I’d grow so much and push myself a lot harder, and the end result will be a stronger, smarter, kinder version of myself. Which is great.
Except, because I’m so used to being around these brilliant and passionate people, that when I have to interact with someone my part of the world would deem generic, I have no fucking clue how to socialise with them.
My city has very static weather (unless you’re here during the rain), I don’t have a lot of knowledge about current affairs or sports and I get anxious asking people about their day. So …?
I never really dealt with this as an issue, until this week, when I had an exchange student over. The girl was really nice. She was sweet, and polite. But I’d never know what to talk to her about. It’s not like she was dumb or anything. She just was so normal. She wasn’t boring. She was just into things moderately, you know? She was neutral about everything. We used to talk a little about history, politics and social issues, but really nothing else.
And then I realised that, it wasn’t just school. Over the second half of 2017, I’d grown so much into this new person that looked for certain things in people, specifically in friends. I’ve become this passionate, emotional, kind, strange and strong person that I’ve grown to love so much. And in the process, to be friends with other, I need similar proportions of these attribute in others.
Which is, I have to say, kind of selfish. Because you can’t really make friends with such high expectations. You can’t demand and desire such specific characteristics. Because not everybody is like that, and I can’t expect everybody to be. And clearly, you’re (I’m) making friends to what benefits me, rather than for the sake of friendship in general.
And so this is all really a fancy learning process for something really simple. I need to learn to appreciate and accept all types of people. Because for every ‘passionate person out there, there will be someone ‘generic’ to counteract or balance that.
(these words are in italics because perceptions, understandings, meanings and proportions of these words differ for each person, so these words are in the context of my understanding of the them)
Basically, I need to stop being so fucking selfish, and learn to appreciate everyone.
Have a nice weekend.
I hope the weather’s great wherever you are.
Love always ❤