Note: This is going to be a bit vague. If you understand what this is about, you’ll understand why I’m being vague.
The Unaligned Body and Mind.
It was bizarre. One moment, everything was as it was meant to be. And then the next, it wasn’t. I was lost, and floating, with my feet on the ground. I was detached, but not disconnected. It was liberating and terrifying. It was like a lucid dream.
And in that moment, I thought to myself, I could amplify this. All I needed was a bit more. Even a little would do.
Lightening my soul and devastating my body. My heart would ruin me, but my mind would hold me back. A battlefield of neurons and blaring lights. The clouds could have held me.
And so I measured the evening in moments:
The cute boy who smiled at me as I left and waved at him.
The boy who offered me his drink because I told him I was scared.
The girl who clung to me as if she were holding onto life.
The loneliness I felt as I wandered around alone.
The friend I hugged, because we hadn’t met in so long.
and so many more that I may have forgotten.
And in that moment, every piece of art made so much sense. For a few seconds, I could almost empathise with those who struggled with this. I could understand why they chose to escape like this. Nothing made you feel like this.
Such a strange and unique feeling.
And now days later, I still think of that night. I think of all that I felt and did. All that I could have done, and will do. I’ve also begun to dream of evenings like this, in the near future. Wondering. Will it be different? Will I love it this much? Will I fall too deep in this love?
It’s tragic really. How something so beautiful can be so destructive, so damaging.
ps: there’s no need to be worried about me, i can handle myself. And I know I’m romanticising something here, but really i’m just describing how i felt. In no way do I encourage this.